Fun Hilarious Sayings About Life That Are Truly Funny

If we want to live a less stressful life, we should learn to lighten up and see the funny side of life.

We all should learn to laugh, or to be precise, being able to laugh at ourselves and at life in general. It is said that humor can protect us against depression, anxiety, and anger.

As you know we should never take life too seriously, as one day we all will be dead and gone. No one is spared.

So in the mean time, spare some time and have a good laugh reading these fun hilarious sayings about life.

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. – Bette Davis

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. – Robert Orben

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? – James Thurber

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. – Don Marquis

I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. – Michael J. Fox

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. – Dave Barry

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat outBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. – Phyllis Diller

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. – Cathy Guisewite

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand. – Fred Allen

Never floss with a stranger. – Joan Rivers

Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. – Charles Kettering

Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. – P. G. Wodehouse

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. – Gloria Steinem

If you can’t tell a spoon from a ladle, then you’re fat! – Demetri Martin

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? – W. Clement Stone

I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire. – Roy Orbison

My mother was against me being an actress – until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. – Angie Dickinson

One man’s folly is another man’s wife. – Helen Rowland

I never said most of the things I said. – Yogi Berra

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. – Alexander Woollcott

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? – Arnold Schwarzenegger

Be obscure clearly. – E. B. White

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. – H. L. Mencken

Even Napoleon had his Watergate. – Yogi Berra

I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. – Flannery O’Connor

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I’d been up all night inventing the Camcorder. – Al Gore

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. – Mark Twain

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. – Robert A. Heinlein

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. – Tommy Cooper

A vegetarian is a person who won’t eat anything that can have children. – David Brenner

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. – George Burns

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs. – Alfred Hitchcock

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. – David Letterman

One picture is worth 1,000 denials. – Ronald Reagan

I like children – fried. – W. C. Fields

I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. – Arthur Conan Doyle

Men are only as loyal as their options. – Bill Maher

California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange. – Fred Allen

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler

Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? – Robert Benchley

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. – Stephen Fry

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. – Jay Leno

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. – Chevy Chase

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. – Steven Wright

We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder. – Andre Maurois

I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons. – Douglas Adams

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. – Mel Brooks

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. – Johnny Vegas

When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. – David Brenner

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. – Louis Aragon

Turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark. – O. Henry

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. – Steve Martin

I’m for whatever gets you through the night. – Frank Sinatra

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. – Kevin Nealon

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. – Fran Lebowitz

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. – Mike Myers

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat. – Don Herold

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. – Arthur C. Clarke

The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. – Jimmy Fallon

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life. – Henry David Thoreau

The superfluous, a very necessary thing. – Voltaire

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. – George Jean Nathan

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. – Emo Philips

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. – Charles Dudley Warner

We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect. – Alanis Morissette

I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. – Louis XIV

There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice. – Lewis Black

Let’s have some new cliches. – Samuel Goldwyn

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. – Naguib Mahfouz

I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat. – Harold Wilson

Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. – Norman Douglas

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. – George Lopez

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. – Christopher Plummer

You see much more of your children once they leave home. – Lucille Ball

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon. – W. C. Fields

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. – Hesiod

Only the mediocre are always at their best. – Jean Giraudoux

So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? – Christina Aguilera

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. – Richard Lewis

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. – Jay London

She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. – J. B. Priestley

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. – Lenny Bruce

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. – Jay London

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money. – Bob Hope

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. – Victor Hugo

I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. – Hillary Clinton

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. – Joan Rivers

Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell. – Robert Byrne

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! – Jerry Seinfeld

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. – Logan Pearsall Smith

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children. – Samuel Butler

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. – Johnny Carson

If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Jack Benny

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? – Margaret Smith

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. – James Thurber

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. – Henry A. Kissinger

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did. – Bette Davis

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. – Emo Philips

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life. – Richard Lewis

I can speak Esperanto like a native. – Spike Milligan

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights. – Jay London

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. – Norman Wisdom

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. – Ogden Nash

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering. – Marilyn vos Savant

I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name. – Paula Poundstone

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. – Cathy Guisewite

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. – Joe E. Lewis