If we want to live a less stressful life, we should learn to lighten up and see the funny side of life.
We all should learn to laugh, or to be precise, being able to laugh at ourselves and at life in general. It is said that humor can protect us against depression, anxiety, and anger.
As you know we should never take life too seriously, as one day we all will be dead and gone. No one is spared.
So in the mean time, spare some time and have a good laugh reading these fun hilarious sayings about life.
I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. – Bette Davis
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. – Robert Orben
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? – James Thurber
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. – Don Marquis
I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. – Michael J. Fox
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. – Dave Barry
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. – Phyllis Diller
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. – Cathy Guisewite
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand. – Fred Allen
Never floss with a stranger. – Joan Rivers
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. – Charles Kettering
Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. – P. G. Wodehouse
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. – Gloria Steinem
If you can’t tell a spoon from a ladle, then you’re fat! – Demetri Martin
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? – W. Clement Stone
I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire. – Roy Orbison
My mother was against me being an actress – until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. – Angie Dickinson
One man’s folly is another man’s wife. – Helen Rowland
I never said most of the things I said. – Yogi Berra
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. – Alexander Woollcott
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? – Arnold Schwarzenegger
Be obscure clearly. – E. B. White
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. – H. L. Mencken
Even Napoleon had his Watergate. – Yogi Berra
I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. – Flannery O’Connor
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I’d been up all night inventing the Camcorder. – Al Gore
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. – Mark Twain
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. – Robert A. Heinlein
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. – Tommy Cooper
A vegetarian is a person who won’t eat anything that can have children. – David Brenner
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. – George Burns
Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs. – Alfred Hitchcock
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. – David Letterman
One picture is worth 1,000 denials. – Ronald Reagan
I like children – fried. – W. C. Fields
I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. – Arthur Conan Doyle
Men are only as loyal as their options. – Bill Maher
California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange. – Fred Allen
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me. – Elayne Boosler
Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? – Robert Benchley
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. – Stephen Fry
Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. – Jay Leno
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. – Chevy Chase
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. – Steven Wright
We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder. – Andre Maurois
I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons. – Douglas Adams
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. – Mel Brooks
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. – Johnny Vegas
When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. – David Brenner
We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. – Louis Aragon
Turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark. – O. Henry
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. – Steve Martin
I’m for whatever gets you through the night. – Frank Sinatra
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. – Kevin Nealon
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. – Fran Lebowitz
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. – Mike Myers
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante
There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat. – Don Herold
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. – Arthur C. Clarke
The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. – Jimmy Fallon
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life. – Henry David Thoreau
The superfluous, a very necessary thing. – Voltaire
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. – George Jean Nathan
I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. – Emo Philips
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. – Charles Dudley Warner
We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect. – Alanis Morissette
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. – Louis XIV
There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice. – Lewis Black
Let’s have some new cliches. – Samuel Goldwyn
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. – Naguib Mahfouz
I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat. – Harold Wilson
Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. – Norman Douglas
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. – George Lopez
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. – Christopher Plummer
You see much more of your children once they leave home. – Lucille Ball
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon. – W. C. Fields
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. – Hesiod
Only the mediocre are always at their best. – Jean Giraudoux
So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? – Christina Aguilera
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. – Richard Lewis
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. – Jay London
She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. – J. B. Priestley
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. – Lenny Bruce
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. – Jay London
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money. – Bob Hope
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. – Victor Hugo
I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. – Hillary Clinton
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. – Joan Rivers
Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell. – Robert Byrne
The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! – Jerry Seinfeld
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. – Logan Pearsall Smith
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children. – Samuel Butler
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. – Johnny Carson
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Jack Benny
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? – Margaret Smith
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. – James Thurber
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. – Henry A. Kissinger
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did. – Bette Davis
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. – Emo Philips
When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life. – Richard Lewis
I can speak Esperanto like a native. – Spike Milligan
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights. – Jay London
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. – Norman Wisdom
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. – Ogden Nash
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering. – Marilyn vos Savant
I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name. – Paula Poundstone
Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. – Cathy Guisewite
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. – Joe E. Lewis